Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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