I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize