He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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