I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize