Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize