I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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