Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize