I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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