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Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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