i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
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There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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