Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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