..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize