That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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