she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize