You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize