Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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