So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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