So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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