and next time when you feel me up, do it right
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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