He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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