I'm lost and stupid without you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize