allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
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Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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