I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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