he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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