i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
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i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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