The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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