dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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