The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize