Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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