i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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