He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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