Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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