I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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