the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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