she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I came so hard my ears popped.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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