there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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