Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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