So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
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Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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