Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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