Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize