Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize