I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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