I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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