You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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