I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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