That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
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Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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