apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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