A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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