Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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