Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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